Happily Never After
by freyjaschariot
Summary: post 4.16 fic: Felicity might be ready to give up on happily ever after but Donna's not ready to let her
"Well, that's the last of it." Felicity dropped an empty cardboard box onto the coffee table and flopped onto the couch beside her mother. "Thanks for letting me stay here, mom."

Donna set down the latest issue of People and raised her eyebrows at Felicity. "Honey, forget the fact you paid for the place. I have been waiting for us to be roommates again ever since the day I dropped you off at MIT. We're going to have so much fun." She reached over to smooth a lock of hair out of Felicity's eyes. "Mani-pedis every night. Soap opera marathons until your eyes bleed."

"Wow, till my eyes bleed," Felicity said, drawing her knees up to her chest."You really know how to tempt a girl." Her gaze slid detachedly to the rain lashed windows. Donna couldn't help noticing the way her daughter kept unconsciously thumbing at her ring finger. She didn't have to be a psychic to know where Felicity's mind had wandered.

"Hon," Donna said softly, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Hm?" Felicity pried her eyes away from the window. "What?" She seemed to snap back into herself. "Oh. Talk about it. No. I'm good." Then, lighter, "Hey, how about we start one of those soaps? You'll have to catch me up but I'm a quick study. All my professors said so."

"Sure." Donna squeezed Felicity's knee. She'd talk when she was ready. At least, Donna hoped she would. Her daughter could be a stubborn one. No idea where she got that from. "Let's see. How about The Sun Always Shines," Donna said. "Quick summary. Sunny and Shelly are about to get married but then they find out they're cousins—" Donna clapped her hand to her mouth. "Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Felicity had stiffened slightly at 'married' but she quickly recovered. "Mom, it's fine. I'm fine. You can say the word married. I won't burst into to tears, I promise."

Donna's shoulders slumped. She could be such a dummy sometimes. "Oh, sweetheart. No one would blame you if you did. It might even feel good. Plus I read tears are good for your skin." Felicity was silent. "Okay," Donna sighed. "I'm sorry. I'll stop pushing. But whenever you're ready, I'm here. And I'm all ears. Well, ears and a great ass. But mostly ears." She was about to get up and get her DVDs when a tear slipped down Felicity's cheek. Donna lowered herself back onto the couch as Felicity brushed her hand across her face.

"Stupid," Felicity murmured. "Sorry."

"Oh, baby," Donna said. "My sweet girl. Talk to me."

Felicity's eyes flicked up, her lips twisting into the tiniest smile. "I just keep thinking about this time, about a week after we left Starling. We stopped at this crappy diner outside Portland. It was like 2 in the morning and we were so tired. The waitress kept commenting on how Oliver looked like that rich guy from Starling City. Queen. Oliver kept saying no, she had him mixed up with someone else." Felicity let out a shaky laugh. "The waitress just couldn't let it go. The third time she mentioned it Oliver caught my eye and we both just burst out laughing. He had a mouthful of milkshake and it sprayed out his nose. Chocolate milkshake, everywhere." She mimed something exploding from her nose.

"Sounds like quite a sight," Donna said, squeezing Felicity's hand where it lay in her lap.

"Yeah," Felicity breathed. Another tear slithered down her cheek and she batted it away. "It was." Exhaustion weighed down her gaze as she asked, "Have you ever been so happy you can't imagine anything ever ruining that feeling? Like your happiness is this golden, infinite thing. Untouchable."

When she was a girl, Felicity had driven Donna crazy with her incessant questions. All through dinner, unintelligible with a toothbrush stuck in her mouth, as Donna tried to read her a bedtime story. Why is the sky blue? Why are some people left handed? What's the difference between temporal locality and spacial locality? It wasn't long before Donna no longer had the answers to her daughter's questions. This one though, this was easy. Donna smiled. "Of course, baby. The day I had you. You were the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. Big blue eyes. Ten tiny fingers. You were perfect."

"Right," Felicity said softly, staring down at her lap. "And then I turned into a sullen teenager and ran away to Boston as soon as I got the chance. Guess no one's happiness lasts."

"Of course not, hon," Donna said. "Because that's not how life works. But that doesn't mean you'll never find it again. Or something even better. You know, there were times when you were in college— the dark years I called them, and not just because of your hair and all those terrible black clothes— times when I thought I'd lost you for good. But look where we are now." She shook Felicity's knee emphatically. "Our relationship's better than it's ever been, right? It's taken me a long time to realize this, but that's how life is. No matter how bad things get, there's always hope. It was true for us. I really think it's going to be true for you and Oliver too."

"I can't go there," Felicity said. "Not now." She picked at a loose thread sticking out of the couch cushion. "Maybe not ever."

Her nose was red tipped and she was biting down hard on her lip to keep it from wobbling. Suddenly all Donna could see was the little girl who had cried into her chest for hours when she finally realized her father wasn't coming home. For weeks after Noah disappeared Felicity didn't cry. Just sat at the window every day after school, clutching the parts to the computer they'd been working on before her father walked her to the bus stop one morning, kissed her forehead and told her to be a good girl, then disappeared from her life for almost two decades. When the damn finally broke it had been a deluge. But after that day, Felicity had never cried in front of her mother again. Until today.

"I miss him, mom," Felicity whispered. "It's only been a couple days and I miss him so much."

Clucking her tongue, Donna reached out and pulled Felicity into her arms. "I know, baby. Shh. It's okay." Donna rocked her gently, smoothing back her hair and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. Felicity's fingers dug into her mother's arm almost painfully. "You cry as much as you want," Donna said firmly. "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay."

Outside the rain fell harder.


End file.
